I don't know if I am just floating aimlessly and purpose-lessly through out my life sometimes, but it often feels like I go for days without making any real decisions about who or what I am. Today I made the decision, however ironically, that these days need to be fewer and further between.
I can see often that I am surrounded by an endless sea of mindless chatter and disrespectful consumerism, which only vaguely hides the rampant competitiveness of the people I know. It drives me crazy to hear women (only in this example!) sitting in a cafe mindlessly comparing their latest plastic conquests of toys that aren't enriching anything to do with their lives and then following that up with a tick-a-box of the faux-benefits of these said items when basically all it boils down to is often a need to get their offspring over to another part of the home so that they can return to more rampant consumerism in their homes. I had become one of these women, not so long ago, with an awful penchant for 'just nipping down the shops' and buying crap I didn't need or even really want. I felt like a freed witch the day I found the broom I needed to fly away from that dragon, leave my consumer ego behind and free my mind to other endeavours.
But alas, as with all non-fiction stories, it hasn't so much met a happy ending just yet. I still find myself with an awfully long to-do list of things that aren't getting completed, or sometimes even attempted, and although I only know the guilt of a non-catholic, the monster creeps up on me every day to remind me how lazy I can be.
So here I am. Bare bones, heart on sleeve saying that I have finally let my pregnant brain achieve one or two small milestones this evening. I have done some housework (put on laundry, the dishwasher and folded clothes), and returned to update this here blog. I one day would love a shiny, picture-of-our-lives blog that is beautiful to the eye, but while I am running a business such as I am from home, I haven't often got time to scratch myself until nightfall, and then I am sometimes too tired to even achieve that! My big achievement for today though, is that I finally remembered to mix my laundry detergent with bicarb soda! I know, I know, a very small feat, but one that hopefully extends the life of my washing powder and also lessens the need for a pre-wash every single time.
I'm taking time tonight also to write my to-do list for next week. It is going to be rather huge, as I'm taking the week off of working from home to well, um, work in my home and get it to a nice pretty point where I can feel like my mind is less clouded. I have clutter in every dark corner, and the need to clear my home for extra children each day is not helping me sort things out - there is a need for bar stools to be stored in the foyer during the week and not at the breakfast bar, and also a need for a second sofa in an already cramped playspace for children 'just in case' they are tired from too much play. So some clutter is going to have to be re-thought, and others just re-assigned to charity, friends in need and well, hopefully not, but the recycling depot.
So off I go, to begin my list...so long as I can find a pen on that breakfast bar and don't get swallowed in to the abyss of thoughtlessness once my bottom touches the couch!