Monday, July 27, 2009

To go and discover new things...

Like where the heck is Susie Homemaker? I've been searching for her all week, and I just can't find my inner susie!

I've got a new project to start, as soon as my knitted baby blanket is finished. I'm going to try making my own dishcloths, using the time to learn new stitches along the way. But like I said, my inner susie is hiding most days, and I only find time to knit at night if I'm lucky! I got the idea from down--to--earth and am trying very hard not to beat myself up over my lack of time organisation. Right now, for instance, I really should be off and organising dinner, because I am making a lasagne and I like it to 'sit' for at least a couple of hours. I also would love to put on some biscuits for Ethan, who's been begging me for some all morning and is now asleep. His evil mother doesn't buy biscuits from the supermarket like other mums (actually, she doesn't buy alot of things that the other mums do, and he looks in their refrigerators with amazement when ever we visit our neighbours!), she makes them from scratch, and he seems to enjoy both the making and the eating processes!

I have a recipe for checker biscuits, which I'm pretty sure is from Delia Smiths book "Frugal Food" or "Destitute Gourmet", and I think they'd give him a real kick. I'm not a real big fan of lots of sugar, and without wanting to sound like a hippy mother on a soapbox screaming obscenities about additives, it sure is an ugly coincidence that every time Ethan puts something with a number in his tummy he turns in to a pretty hideous beast and can't stop himself but to have more, more, more mummy! I find that with homemade recipes at least, he might still want a few biscuits, but the only additives he's having are sugar, and usually coconut and maybe cocoa. They satisfy his newly found love of sweet things, and I know how long I can freeze the spares for and only give him access to a couple a day.

Any way, better go and try stir up my inner Susie Homemaker. The husband got home from work today, and lasagne is not just a favourite, but something he assures me that I do better than anyone who's ever made it on a camp worksite, so I better whip one up before he awakes from nightshift to find that Old Mother Hubbard has demonically possessed little Susie Homemaker and there's nothing for dinner!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

A quiet end (and beginning)...

Well, a wise person once said 'ask and you shall receive'. I have now been praying (and mind you, I'm about as much the praying kind as I am the marrying kind) for a while for something to come up and release me from the toddler-heavy workload that I was under. It was eating away at me that my own son Ethan's well being and spirit were sufferring, that he wasn't feeling like he was part of his own home any more. Well, starting next week I trade toddlers for schoolies and even though my hours will be far less my pay will be more.

I have had a brief look in to my future over the last two weeks, as I was too unwell to take the other peoples' toddlers in to care and it was just me and my son, so I got a nice look in to the future of my days of working. His behaviour improved remarkably and seemingly instantly, and so did my demeanour too, I might add. I was no longer stressed about my son hurting or rushing past any other children, I wasn't getting upset because parents didn't seem to care about milestones that I was concerned about. It all just melted away.

I think our relationship (mine and my son's) actually benefitted amazingly from that little break, and that it will continue to grow as the next few months see us able to spend a lot more time without other peoples' toddlers around, and before the baby is due. I already have plans of how I will spend our days together, involving his huge interest in cooking, in the great outdoors and in wildlife. We have quite the stockpile to build, with the baby coming and christmas looming, so lots of guests to have stores for and we even found two pantries to put them in, amongst all our newly appreciated freezer space as well. I am starting to talk to my friends already on how to support my little man when the baby comes, especially in the hospital where the catch phrases will be that 'they came here to see you, but you weren't here yet!' or 'thank goodness you got here in time to see my Ethan, he was about to leave me to go home and have lunch!'. I am determined that if I've learned anything over the past year of looking after other peoples' children, it is that I'm not going to treat him like he comes after them ever again. It was breaking his heart, and mine, but now we're friends (and allies when it comes to catching tadpoles) again....

Sunday, July 19, 2009

It's been a sick week.

Sorry for the lack of updates this week, but my son and I came down with some sort of lurgy. I'm on the mend again, but he isn't just yet and has a nasty cough that keeps us all up all night. So just a brief hello and a see ya, as I've just got him to bed and am dddddyyyyyiiinnng for a cuppa sweet tea to help me feel human again.

Oh, but if you're looking for a book to read, try Timeless Simplicity, by John Lane. I borrowed it from my local library, so am sure you could too.

Have a nice night!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Lucky Me!

I don't know why, but I'm feeling very optimistic lately. I can feel a good change coming on. My son and I are both cursed with the dreaded lurgy, with all kinds of orifices drooling and the constant sound of sniffing, but aside from that it is like the half-decent weather has bought a change in attitude with it.

I am starting a new job in two weeks, and working half the hours for twice as much money. I knew it would happen, and it will save my purse, but when everything finally clicked I was a bit shocked at how easy it has been. I'll be able to work the job up until I have the baby, then continue as much as I feel comfortable with it, which is just so 'The Secret' I feel spooked by it all a little bit! We will, to a certain degree 'have our house back' from daycare, and that instantly brightened the outlook for me and my partner, as it means the stresses of never having a spare room are gone at least until we decide together again to use it for business purposes later down the track, if ever.

We have started to really sort out our finances, and branch out in to unchartered territory where we will over time save a lot of money. It's not something we dive in to willy-nilly, the whole financial world hurts our grey matter a bit, but we did a little research and decided to make an offset account for a loan we have and if we really, really knuckle down we can knock lots and lots of years off our personal debt. So that has made us both smile!

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hi to all that lurk and linger, and re-assure my own self that I am still going to do this blogging thing for quite sometime. It's like talking in your head, but the room is much louder, and hopefully some other voices will be popping up eventually!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Oh My Goodness!

I'm feeling like I've achieved nothing today. I mean, I started out well this weekend, I had my trusty list, which was being dilegently ticked off as I went, and then this morning after the the markets, it all fell in a heap.

I had to meet a friend for brunch. Which we were so late for it ended up as lunch. Which was so deliciously filling that when my son and I got home we eagerly slept off until 3pm! So I am only forgiving myself because I am, after all, 22 weeks pregnant and last night I only got about 5 hours sleep because I was up trying to sort out some fancy budget software until midnight. I decided to stick with my not-so-fancy pink diary after all that!

So since we got home this afternoon, or should I say got out of bed this afternoon, we have visited a neighbour and then came home and had dinner. I've had a bit of a go at housework, but with no playgroup tomorrow I can cross my fingers that I'll catch up a little bit in the morning, and honestly thank modern inventors for dishwashers, that has saved me time tonight and will save me more tomorrow!

So it's bound to be a busy week. My partner's home from work, and the week of fantastic self-indulgent holidaying around the house will begin! We find out more about the baby this week, hopefully, and I'm still tossing up whether to find out the sex or leave it as a surprise. Either way, it's bound to be a great week, and I hope you have a great week too.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Big Days of Helpful Ways....

I did a good thing this week, and I want to brag about it. My son and I spent a couple of hours a couple of days this week cooking food for my partner's grandparents, and then this morning we took them a big soft eskie full of lovely and nutritious food. I know it was lovely, because I tasted it! So simple, it cost us nothing but our time, and I feel like we have helped in a small way to take the burden off of Pop as Nan is very unwell and unable to cook.

So we've been busy, and that's our excuse to give you for not writing for a couple of days!

I've made my next conscious decision. I am making my son more aware of my love for him. I have been feeling like I'm really not a very good mum a lot of the time lately. My job means that I'm always focussing on the other childrens' well being and comfort and happiness and putting his a very close second every day. I see him as much more capable and adaptable, even though he is only two and a half, because the other children I mind are not as old or as well-developed as him (now how do you say that more in a politically correct way?), or they are much more socially-anxious. So this week I made a decision to close a part of my business - that which focusses on the smaller children - and only do that which allows me to spend most of my day on focussing on him.

Every thing has almost magically fallen in to place, as if the pot stirrers of the cosmos have been waiting for me to make this decision for quite sometime. As soon as I consciously made the decision to change focus (that was basically that I was sick of making my son feel like he was a second-rate citizen in his own home), I had a phone call from someone that turned my business focus completely. Basically, without giving too much personal detail, I can now work for half the time in hours and still make the same money plus a little more. I will have my days free to spend doing what ever my son and I see fit, exploring and having fun, and then work two nights a week with him right by my side.

This will work until the baby arrives in November, when I hope to take a little time off and expand our family and relax, and then I can restart, all going well, when ever I am ready.

So the focus this week is on our home, and our son. My partner is home in only a couple days, and we are taking our son to do as many fun things as possible, letting him lead the way for once and guide our sense of fun himself. I hope that once our little holiday is over and we find ourselves back working again, that the new found centre of our attention works for us to help build a better family life.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Conscious Decision Making

I don't know if I am just floating aimlessly and purpose-lessly through out my life sometimes, but it often feels like I go for days without making any real decisions about who or what I am. Today I made the decision, however ironically, that these days need to be fewer and further between.

I can see often that I am surrounded by an endless sea of mindless chatter and disrespectful consumerism, which only vaguely hides the rampant competitiveness of the people I know. It drives me crazy to hear women (only in this example!) sitting in a cafe mindlessly comparing their latest plastic conquests of toys that aren't enriching anything to do with their lives and then following that up with a tick-a-box of the faux-benefits of these said items when basically all it boils down to is often a need to get their offspring over to another part of the home so that they can return to more rampant consumerism in their homes. I had become one of these women, not so long ago, with an awful penchant for 'just nipping down the shops' and buying crap I didn't need or even really want. I felt like a freed witch the day I found the broom I needed to fly away from that dragon, leave my consumer ego behind and free my mind to other endeavours.

But alas, as with all non-fiction stories, it hasn't so much met a happy ending just yet. I still find myself with an awfully long to-do list of things that aren't getting completed, or sometimes even attempted, and although I only know the guilt of a non-catholic, the monster creeps up on me every day to remind me how lazy I can be.

So here I am. Bare bones, heart on sleeve saying that I have finally let my pregnant brain achieve one or two small milestones this evening. I have done some housework (put on laundry, the dishwasher and folded clothes), and returned to update this here blog. I one day would love a shiny, picture-of-our-lives blog that is beautiful to the eye, but while I am running a business such as I am from home, I haven't often got time to scratch myself until nightfall, and then I am sometimes too tired to even achieve that! My big achievement for today though, is that I finally remembered to mix my laundry detergent with bicarb soda! I know, I know, a very small feat, but one that hopefully extends the life of my washing powder and also lessens the need for a pre-wash every single time.

I'm taking time tonight also to write my to-do list for next week. It is going to be rather huge, as I'm taking the week off of working from home to well, um, work in my home and get it to a nice pretty point where I can feel like my mind is less clouded. I have clutter in every dark corner, and the need to clear my home for extra children each day is not helping me sort things out - there is a need for bar stools to be stored in the foyer during the week and not at the breakfast bar, and also a need for a second sofa in an already cramped playspace for children 'just in case' they are tired from too much play. So some clutter is going to have to be re-thought, and others just re-assigned to charity, friends in need and well, hopefully not, but the recycling depot.

So off I go, to begin my long as I can find a pen on that breakfast bar and don't get swallowed in to the abyss of thoughtlessness once my bottom touches the couch!