Seeing Past the Blur to the Beauty...

I have just realised that I can hear properly again! It's so nice, to be able to load up a song and hear it in its full intent. So I can say that I am over the worst of the last two or three weeks, my throat is back in shape and my voice no longer sounds awful or feels gravelly, and my ears aren't giving me a constant feeling of sea sickness. It's been a big cold!

But during it all, when I could hardly do a thing but sit with the kiddo's and enjoy the ability for them to watch tv, or when Ethan and I painted up our Fathers Day memory box, it was nice to still be looking past the boring every day and appreciating their beautiful natures. Alice and her daily need to get up, have a brief cuddle and then ask for "bekbas" (breakfast) before pushing Gypsy's legs apart and sitting with her back up to that adorable pooch's torso. Ethan and his nightly need - "I can't fall asleep without it" - for a story. He now knows the words to Where the Wild Things Are by heart. These things were daily rituals, even with a wobbly sense of balance and a horrid ability to fall asleep on a whim (thank god for locking doors and hidey holes for keys!), these things were stay-points to our days. I could see past their boredom, straight to their love and beauty.

Past that blur of hurried childhood and running for shoes to go to the creek with dad, past the want to have four apples for breakfast and let the fruit sugar high make them mental for several hours afterward.

Past all that, and in to their beautiful souls.

Why I Changed my Focus...

Sorry I have been absent a few days. Well, since thursday, I think.

The days are busier when the fella is home. We are more rushed, there is more to do, I guess - I hope, or otherwise I feel busier for no reason!

But I just wanted to say that since I started this change of focus, the way I see my kiddo's has really changed. I've begun looking for the positive in them, but I at first thought I would just find one thing a day - and now I find my brain competing with itself to figure out 'which awesome thing' to write about. It really has changed me from seeing all things as a struggle, to seeing 'most' things as awesome. As amazing parts of thier little personalities. I see what used to drive me nuts, as now being a sign of thier developmental milestones.

And honestly, I think everyone should try it, even if just for two days a week.

Enthusiasm...

Today was day number 6 of School Holidays....So we were off to circus school with Daddy, who arrived after a very long and exhausting day yesterday.

I love my kids for their enthusiasm. I just adore it. There can just be something, ya know, a bit different hanging in Alice's way, and she asks me in her own way what it is, can't wait to touch, to see what happens. And it's that way with Ethan, too. He's a Racer, this boy of mine. I could say just about anything after "I bet you I can beat you at..." and he's in. Brush teeth? Done. Have a wee? Yep. Clean up toys? Beat you hours ago, mum.

So when he seems shy meeting someone new, I love knowing that it is basically an act and that he's secretly jumping out of his skin ready to say hi, get past the societal faux pas, and get cracking in to any kind of exercise that there is available. I love it. Not having 'that' kid who just won't join in. Who won't smile. I do however, have the kid who gives it what he's got, and only gets embarrassed if "I" am watching and smiling - anyone else is considered an audience, but I am a mere taxi driver, private cheer squad, but I should just watch other kids, I think, if I'm with him somewhere that he's learning something new!

It's the things like that that I love. Knowing he's excited and ready to go, and Alice has caught it like the common cold. That girl is currently enthusiastic about gumboots. She is constantly finding new pairs around the house (there are about four pairs between her and Ethan), getting them on and trying them out. And she never tires of it, loving every minute.

So thank you for the enthusaism.th

Coordination.....

Today was the first day of the school holidays. I hate school holidays!!! It's amazing at how quickly I went from being a parent who couldn't imagine a whole day without my son, to now getting all gushy because its the last day of term.

The teachers just keep them so focussed, so calm. Any one can walk past the kindy room at the montessori school and actually wonder if there are even any kids in there - let alone 50 of them split in to two groups!

So, determined not to get all freaked out and stabby-shouty-mama during these next 14 days, I sent off my sons application to circus school. We went today, and it was a blast! He made me so super proud, because all the other mama's were able to stay with thier kiddo's the whole time, but I had Alice-wrangling to do at the same time, and he just soldiered on! Plate spinning, hula hooping, trampoline-rolling, you name it, they did it, and they did it in only an hour. Was Too Cool!

So I'm thankful for coordination today, because he took the whole class in his stride, and I couldn't have been happier!

Be Kind...

Today was a sunday, and over the last few weeks, on a sunday I've had a babysitter. So this morning when I woke to a text saying she wasn't available, I thought Oh Man!!!

But I decided to continue with yesterday's sponteneity and we rugged ourselves up for the markets, to go and see some chickens, and buy some fruit. It was Sooooo Cooooollllld! The kids had their winter woollies on, and Ethan managed to earn himself $5 doing some house jobs for me (cleaning his room, emptying dishwasher, etc), so he used some of that to get a go on the bouncy castle, which warmed him right up. He had a blast!

Then we jumped in the car with their Aunty and went and grabbed a hot chocolate at the mall (my least favourite place in the world, if I'm honest), and a small snack. Was a great way to burn through a few hours and didn't travel more than about 20 kilometres.

The kids, well I don't know if it's my daily exercise of finding these lovely things about them, or if it's because of the anti-digital status we have during the day, or if it's just that somehow they're calmer, but yeah, somehow, they are now becoming more of a team. Ethan really watches Alice, and they play together so much more now. It's fantastic - sometimes I even manage a decent shower in the mornings!

I found a quote, on Soulemama.com, that said - "Do the best you can where you are, and be kind" by someone called Scott Nearing, and since I read that I have been saying those last two words quite a lot to Ethan and Alice. They understand those two words - Be Kind - so deeply, that if there is any kind of issue between them, it near-instantly melts it. Kindness is all-encompassing, and it can be immediate. You could have just been being a complete tyrant, and the words Be Kind can change the shape of the day. I find, especially with Ethan, the depth of his understanding of the ability to be kind is astounding. And for that, I am both amazed and incredibly grateful.

Spontaneity....or however it's spelleded...dedd.

Well, it's a dull ol' saturday here, not much going on except me doing the chicken dance with the washing machine (why, oh why, do I leave the laundry all sad and lonely for three days in a row? Have I not learnt a thing as a mama?) And at about 11am I thought to myself .... this isn't gunna look any different in two hours from now, why not just do something else?

So we packed up the sandwiches from a picnic in the park yesterday after school, and went visiting a friend. Then after that Ethan suggested we go to The Train Park. I have no idea what it's really called, but I do know that if I were 4, that place would have some sort of homing beacon to my brain. Imagine a park, with swings, a tunnel, a slide, loooooaaaads of dirt and sand and steps. In the shape of a train. Talk about Freakin' Awesome to the Power of Rad.

And it was seriously only about two minutes drive from where we were. How did he know that? Homing Beacon, for sure.

So yeah, totally undertaking the role of the routine-less mama, we steered the car in the direction of the park and went and played for a bit. Was totally excellent fun, being a train driver, a wayward passenger chaser, a damsel-in-distress rescuer, and a couple other things I really didn't quite understand, but did achieve the proper amount of yelling, laughter and fun out of both kids.

So the spontaneity of my son really struck me. This level of trust that we can just throw caution to the wind and it'll all come out ok. And Alice just really accepted the whole thing as 'what we are doing today'. I felt totally trusted. And totally in love.

Thankfulness...in stages...

Today it occurred to me that my children, like everything else, are turning and stretching out in to this world in stages. They stretch, learn, explore. Look over their shoulder at me, and return to me, exhausted with the journey of learning.

It's my job to be a soft and consistent place to return to. Like a safe harbour for pirates that have explored great depths, found treasure, and then found themselves looking for a warm meal and a lie down.

Today I realised, to my amazement, that this exploration, this learning, comes in fits and starts, of each of them leaving me, either physically or mentally, to go off and learn these new things. These are sometimes things I know, but mostly stuff I forgot (like how to walk along a stone wall while singing Johnny has one hammer) and that's why they go off to do it. They return to me, knowing no matter where they've explored, who they may have met or what they found, I am in the same place, waiting with warm heart and ready arms to rest in.

I am thankful for the ability to do this for my children. The start to life that they've had has shown them where my arms and heart are, how to find me in confusing and tiring times. To have them aware of my all-encompassing love is so important to me, because I want them to know I'm never going to leave them alone.

I'm so glad they know that. I'm glad that when they fall down, they look up for me to help them stand again. I'm glad that in me picking them up, time and again, they never fail to try new things and have new adventures.

This all comes to me because today was the end of term get together for school. We went to the park, and the kids just all hung out, played, got filthy dirty and played some more. Alice is an adventurous girl, but a paralell player, unlike her brother, who could never just sit or explore on his own. She wanders off, speaks to people, 'borrows' snacks from our friends and wanders a happy little way. I've seen her entertain herself for an hour or more at a time, even here at home, with books, puzzles, and babies that seriously needed 'ni-nighs' many times over. And today, she was a happy wanderer around all the school parents, one of which has a puppy. The puppy was fine, until it saw another dog and accidentally knocked her over. To which she just got scared, and a little hurt. Immediately I saw her raise her head her eyes locked to mine, saying "I need you to come here, make me better", and I was over to her in a flash.

Now I'm not the kind of mama that removes a child from their fears. Don't get me wrong, I'm not throwing them on a rollercoaster when they're scared of heights or sudden drops, but I knew the dog had scared the bejeezuz out of her, and I didn't want this to ruin her usual unshake-ability of animals in the big wide world. So we sat, next to the owner, immediately. She was still teary, but the dog settled down and then eventually we got to speaking to the puppy again. I realised that it was me, I had taken her there, she had the confidence to explore and then became hurt. It could have ended badly, but she trusted me enough that when the time came, she found herself loving the puppy again and saying her words of conversation to it. It was a bit moment for me, to learn this about myself!

Because I have stages too, I guess....

Real Love...

I love enthusiasm. It can be about anything, really. Seeing your eyes light up over a colouring book? Done. Watching the corners of your mouth curl up because you've discovered how to turn a light switch on? I'm all over it.

And tomorrow, my son is aaaalllll over the School Play. It is a Big - nay - MASSIVE Deal. He knows all the lines of the big kids that I will be listening to while he stands still looking like a chef. He's so excited, I think I've learned the lines of the play myself. And did I mention - there is a Powerpoint Presentation? Well, what is a powerpoint presentation, mate? I dunno mum, but there are pictures - of Us! Us schoolkids. It just sounds brilliant, no?

I never, in a million years, thought I would be looking forward to seeing a school play so much. It's all in the theme of people of the community, and in a class that spans ages 3 1/2 to 6, I'm pretty aware that the teacher has deliberately left the more common to stagefright kids like mine with really important jobs like holding the chef's utensils and smiling. Oh, and there will be singing, thankyouverymuch! If I don't crack up when Ethan sings that Australians all have ostriches for they are cute and free, it'll be a good start.

So I am thankful for enthusiasm, about little things and big.

I'm also thankful for milk. Rich, full cream milk that soothes baby girls' throats and gums on days when they're cracking massive big back molars and getting too tired to eat much of an evening meal. I'm thankful that after she has a big ol' bottle of milk, she manages to get her little soul off to sleep, knowing, somehow, that anytime during the night she can roll over, fart, find a dummy and put herself back to sleep. She is just so beautiful.

They lead the way.....

Today Alice was bored. She'd had enough of watching me do housework, letting me hang washing, unpack the dishwasher and I dunno, just other stuff. So she came to me with her gumboots. She said 'shox....shoxx mummee' and pointed to her toes. So I got the socks, and put on the gumboots. Then she took my finger, walked me to the front door and tapped on it.

So we went for a walk. All her pace, except for a trip across the road and back. So we got about 200metres from the house, every now and again she'd stop and lean against my leg as if to say "mummeee, we have walked soooo far....mine legs are tired". And then she laid down. On someone elses driveway. A little bit of wee nearly came out, I laughed to hard. So then we walked home. Well, I walked home, carrying her on my hip for most part.

And after school I just sat and let Alice go through Ethan's lunch box and snack while he played. He then came and actually asked me if we could go home. I didn't have to round him up, stop him going off to harrass the school chickens, pick up his shoes, nothing. He'd had enough, he wanted to come home. And we played games and laughed in the car on the way home, just to keep the poor lil exhausted boy from falling to sleep.

When we got home, I'd forgotten to unlock the telly (which he doesn't know about, by the way, so sshhh! He thinks the tv is broken - broken tv = no nagging, locked off tv= whinge at mum til she unlocks it) so he just grabbed his sister, gave her a shovel and then they went out the back for a dig. It was actually harder to stop them and make them come in for dinner at 5 o'clock than it normally is, their synchonicity was so lovely to watch. But the weariness crept in for both of them, the hunger reminded them of the time. So he came in, and got a chair each for them to stand on because tonight was fried rice night, which Ethan cooks for us (all prepared, pre warmed veg etc). Then we sat and all ate together. Well, I ate, they inhaled. Fantastic.

So today I am thankful for children leading the way, being loving on the inside and outside, and fried rice.

This Thankful Day....

I am soooo thankful for modern cloth nappies, I really am. My little Alice is soooo having a poo festival lately, and she is, when I get the quick sneaky chance to look, cutting through her back teeth. So that explains the exodus of poo that I'm currently dealing with about four or five times a day. Luckily for her, she doesn't ever seem to get much pain from it, just wakes a couple of times more than usual during her slepe routine but even then, I have nothing - NOTHING - to complain about with her sleeping! I am such a lucky mama when it comes to her sleep habits. I don't know how much I've shared in the past about Ethan, but he was the worst sleeper in the world. IN THE WOOOOOOOORRRRLLLLDDD!!! Bt this blog isn't about the hard shit, it's about the easy shit.

And Miss Alice, she is one eeeaaasy baby to get to bed. From about 1 she actively has told me when she is tired, and when she wants to go to bed. When we spent the week at ngala, she was the one who, although she did have a quick protest, really did get it so super quick. One night, no protests, no screaming, nothing. Just hand me my bottle of water mum, a dummy in each hand and turn on my glow worm...now, get out and leave me be. So very happy for that.

Ethan is making me thankful today for his amazing ability to articulate his feelings. He is still four, he still chucks the most amazing tanties that anyone has possibly seen in their working day (sorry, librarians who like to keep it to a dull noise level), but boy oh boy does he know how to talk to me about his feelings afterwards. He actually told me yesterday, after a bit of a barney with one of his friends after which I took him home (he had been told the consequence, and chose the route he chose) that 'I feel awful mum, because I really did hurt him and I didn't listen properly and I didnt know what to do about it'. And my heart just opened up to his. I promised him that I would try harder to focus him to help him not hurt others, and to listen real good. He promised kinda the same thing. But my point is, that kid can talk. Really talk. Use shitfuck hard words in the right context and continue a conversation that we were having before school after I pick him up for the day. He has this amazing ability, and I don't know why.

And I love him for it. To the core of my bone marrow, his ability to be verbal is what I am most grateful for today.

I's all about cuddles and love....

Today I have a date with a babysitter. It's only early in our relationship, but she's so far been faithful to me, and I to her, and well, we're setting ourselves up for a very special bond. It was about four or five weeks ago I saw her ad on a local thread of facebook and part of me just went "Fuck Yes!!!" and I decided to grant myself four hours per week from having my children. She has come three weeks in a row now, on a sunday, and she just hangs out with them, giving them what they need, doing craft and both playing and supervising their play.

It's given me an opportunity to step back, and watch how they interact with others. I'm not in charge of them when the babysitter is here, and to be honest, she is a sitter, she's not a mother, and it shows. She just has this ability to play, unexhausted, and they love it. I came home today from a movie with a friend to find them racing cars along the linoleum, having a ripper of a time. They'd made cupcakes, drew, played outside and made an 'Antactica' out of blankets. They probably did more in those four hours than in the six leading up to it!

So today I want to say thanks for my childrens cuddles. I soooo get exhausted when we're having, as I've heard another blogger say, a shitf*ck of a day, and then now when I have been away from them for a few hours to relax and unwind on my own, when I return they give me unrestrained 'I missed you and am glad you are back' cuddles. They're fantastic.

So thanks, to them, very much.

Creativity and Expression

Just a quick one today (maybe? don't I usually promise this and then fail big time?!!!), as I've got a couch full of folding to do and although I promised I'd get to this early, I have only just got here.

Today Alice reminded me of one of the most coolest and awesome-est things that babies start to do. They start to speak! Oh, the joy of being able to look in to her little eyes and know what the fuck she is talking about is immeasurable!!!! Sorry, I know I'm meant to be all patient, kind and noble-peace-prize-winning as a mother, but cheese'n'rice I love the relief of when I'm dealing with other humans that I can actually understand in a verbal way. She is a lefty, my girl, and it was only when her first word was "Draw" that I started to realise how much I see that little freakazoid wobbling about in her cloth nappy bearing a pencil in her hand on the search for paper (or a wall, or a toy, or sometimes her hand) and her next artistic high. She will drag - literally drag - her brother to the kids table and get him paper, and point to the pencils and crayons for him to get for them both and then she will sit and just draw. It's sooo cool.

Which brings me to the bigger one. Who I was NOT watching after school while he played in the school playground (which by the way, is awesome to the power of rad as far as even I'm concerned) with his friends. We do this every day or two, just when the kids are picked up we let them hang out and play for half hour or so, get their steam blown off and enjoy some time with their friends. And today it had finally stopped raining enough to let them really go nuts, gumboots on, soggy socks underneath and totally cover themselves in wet sand because heck, its the end of the week and who doesn't like to get stupid on the fun of a friday afternoon?!

So there I was, chatting to another mum when I hear "nnnnnaaaaaaaawwww, your son is so sweet" from said other mum, who's looking over my shoulder. And I look. Well, there he is, helping his little sister up from a tumble, standing her feet firmly on the ground and then he just hugged her tight, whispering some kind of sweetness in to her face with a smile and gave her a gentle smooch on the cheek. I could have fallen over. This must happen so much when I'm not looking I thought! He took on this caregiver role awhile ago, maybe a month. And I always thought it was just a casual hobby, but it was so obvious that he's been fostering these expressions of love for her more regularly than that. She showed no hesitation, no fear of the unknown because it was clear he'd done this enough before that she knew what was going to happen. I was so proud. And I continue to feel proud now, even though it's hours later and they're both sleeping peacefully.

So that's my thankfulness for today. That my daughter is learning to be creative with her little hands, and that my son is learning what expressions he has in his heart, and that showing love for others is an obvious natural extension of who he is.

Today's Thanks.....

It was a rainy-arsed day today. See, here in Perth, we're spoilt for sunshine. Literally, when it rains, it really isn't something that you even think will hang around long. But today it hung around all day. It was a gorgeous day for getting crap done - groceries, produce and cleaning floors at home. Movie on the hard drive for Ethan and a little copying girl following me around this afternoon.

So it was soooo easy to find my things to be thankful for in my kids today. They spent a lot of time with me, and with eachother, and it was all inside except for the school run (and those pesky errands).

Imagine my delight that this little Alice girl, happy as a lamb on fresh grass, is now fitting in to her gumboots comfortably. So much so, she wears them with everything. Pyjamas, tights, a onesie. It doesn't matter. It's all great. So then when she finds a puddle she is just so adorable. Watching her squee's of delight as she marches back and forth, slapping her boots in the water. So today I'm ever so grateful for her joy.

Ethan, on the other hand, I am thankful for his honest love. He burst out of the classroom today, completely ignoring me and heading for one of his little friends for a cuddle. He calls her 'Porridge' for some reason, but only when it's just those two and he thinks no one can hear him. This amazing friendship has blossomed through this year and last, actually they met in playgroup. I am envious of his ability to have parents that have let their children stay in the same spot so long, how it's enriched his memories and his friendships even at this tender age. And he shows this appreciation through his honest love in each day toward these friends, they play and play and giggle and carry on so much it can take 45minutes to get in to the car after school. But I want him to use up every breath at this age enjoying just being this age. Enjoying the years of being able to wrap yourself, uncomplicated, unbridled and free of self-conscious thoughts in your friends and just acting your age.

That is what I'm thankful for today.

Time....

Hello! Well, the day has flown by and I feel I've done a gazillion things and none of which I can remember! Well, there was the three loads of laundry done and hung by school drop off, the vegie/fruit/bread/milk shop, the changing of sheets on beds, the baking of a slice and a batch of cookies and the preparation of a lasagne. Thank goodness for dishwashers, as I've already filled and emptied mine twice. And no, not with stuff I could have just rinsed, but yeah, different things and lots of them!

I'm just sitting with a cookie from said batch, and a coffee, and mulling over my day's achievements and the addition of energy to my motherhood mojo that I've been feeling these past few days. The fella's home, but I don't think that's got to do with the change in mood, I think it's more the decision made to just get up and get on, to be honest.

Since making the decision to actually Do The Stuff That Needs Doing, I've had that feeling of achievement return. After that, a little bit of happiness returned because of the achievements. Then some pride at the achievements fuelled my joy, and I feel back on the mend.

I've hit the kitchen again, determined to play Beat the Pantry. Beat the Pantry is a great game to play if you are strapped for cash, want to pretend you are, or just want to clear the pantry before the next big stock-up. It works exactly how it sounds - your job is to Beat the Pantry by emptying her out as much as possible before you have to go and get more stores (either at pay day, or when ever you normally do it). I do it to delay the inevitable massive shop that usually comes as a result of my cycle of storing up and then purging the pantry and I love it. I often find something that I got (like Lemon Chicken recipe base) that completely surprises me and I look forward to cooking. It's also a great way to remember how many Actual Ingredients we have and how much I now can make really from scratch.

Anyway, enough blabbering for the moment. I've really got to go and do something else, because there is still another pile of something somewhere, like all the time!

Getting back up on the money train...

Ok, so years ago if you had have wanted to, I would have been all over a quantam physics conversation about manifesting your wildest dreams like a fly on crazy string. I really loved that stuff, loved reading peoples cards for them, loved actually doing a whole lot of writing for people about the things that 'came through' about them and how they could best go forward if that's what they wanted. And then I became an amazing bahhumbug on it when I attended a couple of psychic shows and met other volunteers who were a little too grabby-handed for my liking. It really stained my view, and I retreated and became a real bitchy-mc-whingerton on the whole money and spirit thing. I still have my cards, I still look at them and want to do a reading for myself, and for others if they'd ask, but I don't put it out there.

And then last december, I bought a copy of a book called Harmonic Wealth. I read the first 50 or so pages, desperately trying to find a way to keep our son in his school that I really like (and he loves) the philosophy of. Like a lightning bolt, the fella got a raise of exactly the amount of money needed to fund that school only about a week after I started reading it. And then guess what I did?

I put the book down.

I know right? What a complete dickhead. Why haven't I picked it up again? Why? I don't know. Fear of the possibilities is all I can think. I am amazingly, stupidly afraid of what could happen to me if I just pull my fingers out of my ears, stopped yelling "lalalalalala" out loud and just listened to my spirit.

If I can manifest greatness in to my own life - so far the outcomes from my previous efforts have been pretty damn good - then why do I stop myself? Seriously, I would want to headbutt someone if they were pissing and moaning about their own life the way I sometimes do, and then hear that They Know They Can Change It, and then they do nothing about it.

So here I stand, hat in hand and on my knees... I am going to concentrate on the following parts of my life, and when they come up and change, I am going to be grateful.

• I'm going to manifest time for myself, including a babysitter for my kids on a weekly basis, and time for reflection/meditation/journal writing each night
  
• I'm going to manifest good health and weightloss for myself, including time each day to take the kids for a walk so they can't outrun their mama no more
• I'm going to manifest wealth, real monetary wealth, in to our home by spending on the stuff that we need and investing in quality items
• I'm going to manifest time here, on my blog, to both celebrate and share my angst about my goals and achievements
• And finally, I'm going to manifest time to get back in to reading those cards and writing it all down for other people, because it was something I used to love.

So that's the start of it. This blog is going to be my journal, at least periodically, with the beauty of screaming in to the cyber world, I'll feel heard, and funnily enough, not violated about it.

Ok, boots on metaphorically speaking. It's time to dig that book back out and go get me some motivation!

Since July? Where've I been?!

Well I'm sorry, invisible people who are probably never visiting this place. I've been absent. Not absent of body, but absent of time. I've been doing what a lot of other mama's out there are doing and actually 'being' with my children and not turning on the computer a hell of a lot. It's been hard, actually, to find the time. I've been really wanting to, needing to, scream in to the nothingness that is this bottomless pit called the internet, but just thought I'd leave it.

But I'm back. For the moment anyway.

The monkeys are fine, with one learning to wriggle around on her bum and the other one learning how hard it is when you can no longer get everyone's undivided attention one hundred percent of the time. We've been doing lots of new stuff - building vegie patches, planting fruit trees and a grape vine, cleaning and decluttering and having loads of picnics. Outdoors is the place to be!

So I thought I'd drop a pin in the ocean and see if anybody is still out there, reading and blogging and wishing and hoping and dreaming....

We're dreaming of holidays at the moment. Nice, long holidays with a daddy that is home and yummy summer food and great summer company....

Bring It On!

SAHM and FIFOD

I've been asked a lot lately about 'coping'. So I thought I'd focus a bit on it, maybe there are mums out there that would like to hear the mindless drivel of a woman who spends 8/12 months of the year being basically, a solo parent.

Firstly I would like to clarify that I am not in a winner-takes-all whinge about single motherhood vs. sahming with a fifo partner. Solo parenting, in my book, (and here, I guess!), is the act of being the sole provider of care for a long period of time. Like days, or weeks, or in the case of women whom I envy but never want to be, the wives/partners of soldiers and their amazing class of folks that go for months at a time being away and having so little contact that even I would hide away and cry within the first week.

Ok, I'm sure I've forgotten some group or ten, but I'm hoping you get the point.

So I personally am a solo parent for 2 weeks at a time, with the fella coming home for one week each time he returns. The pattern is good. It's simple, predictable and has a rythym of it's own that we can fit around. If there are women out there, reading this, with a 'sometimes rostered' partner, my hat is off to you. I couldn't deal with a phone call in the afternoon telling me that the fella was needed somewhere else in the morning and there was no routine to it. It would drive me insane.

But anyhoo...

I have a 3 1/2 yr old that still likes to sleep in my bed, and an 8month old that would not like that at all. Their sleeping habits couldn't be more different - one's a mummy kid, the other a lay-me-down-and-leave-me-alone kid. They eat different, play different, but thankfully they get along just fine. The hardest times are when I am tired, or distracted, or heaven forbid- want to do something that doesn't have a participant need (blogging, anyone?!).

But then there is day ten. By day ten I am soooo over being on my own that I am a downright bitch. It's day ten today, which is why I thought I'd write this instead of chewing the head off of nearby toddlers.

So here is my coping list of do's and don't's (if I can find any don't's)...

*Eat properly. Make meals, not microwavable bits of plastic crap, and leave spaghetti in a tin (and the nutrient-empty things like it) to collect dust at the grocery shop. If the only way you can get a balanced meal on the table is to get a slow cooker, then get that thing cranking. By the end of winter, my slow cooker is hurting. It's wanting to go to slow cooker holiday school. My son is shocking at trying to get dinner in to after about 5pm, so I shove vegies and some meat in that thing in the morning, turn it on about lunchtime and that's dinner. I find the days when I have dinner prepared by 11am (not cooked, but veg peeled, meat thawed and ready) are our best days. Kids get needier as the day wears on, the cartoons or telly doesn't hold their attention and they want to get to the park or a friends, which, in all honesty, is an angsty mum's worst nightmare if she's not prepared for the dinner/bath/bed rush. So I beg you, make your dinner early, and if you don't like eating at that time of day then keep yours til later (with a glass of red, no?!). By making vegies appear in your diet every day you will have more energy to keep being the solo parent.

*Have a routine, and break it only sometimes. My kids, I am convinced, are going to learn to tell the time pretty soon. At 5pm it's bathtime, for about 15minutes, and then dinner, and then Ethan can watch the Simpsons (which I know is awful, but jees, we all have some crap we enjoy and it gets him to eat dinner at least!). After that godawful show is over, we retreat to the loungeroom and the tv is on and we begin to relax. By about 6.45pm I've got him to organise his book, and we brush his teeth, he wees in the toilet and the story begins. It's rare that he's out of bed after 7. He might be awake for a whole lot longer, but unless he needs to wee, he stays put. I won't go in to how I acheived this, but it took a lot of work. Alice fits in there, the whole time, because she's that annoyingly easy bub that at 6.30 I can lay in her own bed and then Ethan and I have some time doing the other stuff. The week is broken up usually, by things like school, my knitting group, gymnastics and Family Movie Night. The flow of the week is good because Ethan knows, for example, friday is gym day and we need to do certain things, and that after he finishes school on mondays he's going to be either hanging out with dad or he'll have the day off the next day to pick dad up from the airport (the in-between monday is a bummer, but we deal with it anyway). Family Movie Night was started about 4 months ago because I was sick of 'doing nothing' on weekends when the fella was away. So now Ethan and I visit the movie rental store on saturday afternoons, buy junk food (usually chips, godblesshissaltytastes!), and then we come home, clean the house and have 'easy tea' (code for a slack dinner of maybe savoury scones or scrambled eggs and fried mushrooms). After that we have our usual routine but instead of bedtime I pull out some big cushions, make him a bed on the loungeroom floor and we watch a movie together. Again, some nights are harder to keep him still, but usually he's wrapt and it all goes to plan.

*Have a fall-back plan. When Alice came along I had found myself being a lot more honest with my friends. I wasn't coping. So along came my friend that said 'if it's going to shit, call me and you can always visit'. So she's my "I'm about to kill this kid if I don't get him doing something with anyone else" fall-back plan. I can throw us all in the car, drive to her house and her kid will go feral with mine and tire themselves out while we have a cuppa and gush over our babies. It's friggin brilliant, because we have a pact that is two pronged...Our kids are both as 'bad' as eachother (Read: just cos you saw mine hitting yours doesn't mean it's the start or the end of the story), and Never Fall Out Over Kids - the kids will be friends and enemies 50 times an hour, but if you have an argument with a grown up over who's kid threw sand in the hair of the other kid you can find yourself in the shit with them for years. Or you'll dread them coming over. Either way, if your kid is painted as a villian by either you or your friend, you won't visit. And those friends are better saved for your days when every thing is rosy and you're going well. If your falling apart, on day ten, then the last thing you want is to visit someone who's gunna yell at your kid because they never see what their own is doing. So if you want a fall back plan, make it with someone who's as laid back as you are or it won't work because the relaxation you were looking for (the fake kind, but fake is still ok!) won't be there!

*Finally, be kind to yourself. I just told Ethan that he needed to leave me alone for 10 minutes, because I'm busy. OH NO!!! I told my child that I'm busy? What kind of a monster am I?!!! Well, an honest one. Because I Am Busy. I'm trying to get the word vomit out of my head and on to the screen so that the yelling in cyber space can be done. He's not going to grow in to Ted Bundy because of it, he's not going to be found in a corner sucking his thumb and not dealing with the world. So if you are not coping and have to have some time, TAKE IT and make it yours. I have a friend who knits while her baby is sleeping, and reads to her toddler while she's doing it. She gets the kid to turn the pages, and that gets her through the day.

Now, what do you do to get through? Please share. But right now, I'm off to the park...

School Holidays...

Now I know why teachers need a break!

Ah, it's not so bad. As a very self-assured three and a half year old, I'm only dragged away from doing my work about once an hour (or half an hour, depending on the tiredness levels), and he can be pretty well made happy with trips to the park on his new bike and doing odd jobs like making icypoles and jelly. So we're all relatively well-maintained at the moment.

Some random things going on though are things like :

*using the word 'no', and meaning it. For example, if mum asks you three times to clean up the floor because it looks like the toy gods have thrown up and no one can move their feet, then she says 'you have until the count of three to clean the floor, and if you haven't, what ever I pick up goes in to the cupboard for two days', you might just want to believe her. So now he's not using the entire of the wooden block collection, most of his toy cars, and dvd's are banned until tomorrow. I have a feeling that we might be better at picking things up today.

*I've been trying to appear more ladylike. Yeah, right? How do you know when enough is enough, and when do women who rise at 6am to blow dry and straighten their hair get their medals?! I have to confess I don't even own a hairdryer, and the thought of using a straightener just makes my ears hurt because I'm pretty sure I'll clamp them in my efforts. So far I'm getting to the makeup and decent clothes (trackydacks and stained tops are strictly for night time when I know we're alone now!) by about 9am. Hoping that eventually my obsession in to peeking in to the internet Rabbit Hole will pass by next week and I'll manage to make that '9' an '8' and be able to get Ethan to school and look like a human being. Now, this brings up a few issues for me. I feel nauseaus at the thought that to be attractive we must preen and obsess about looks far more than we do about our interior selves, and because of Consumption Rebellion's blog I was made aware of a youtube video (which I don't have the skills to figure how to put straight in the post) on this link - Katie Makkai's Pretty Poetry Slam so I am really aware of any subliminal message I'm passing on to my own children. I could go on about this, but I just encourage you all to check it out.

*Did you know that if a glass door has suffered, oh, I dunno, a small rock hitting it from a 3 1/2 yr old, that if the weather gets cold enough outside, it will shatter? Yep. That shatterring will result in a stay-at-home-mum who's also home-alone-mum shittering her pants, because she thought that there was someone trying to break in to the house via the back door. Call in the nice neighbours nice hubby, who assured me it would be ok, because it was far too cold for anyone to be out there breaking in to houses that night!

*I have itchy feet again. Well, not so much itchy feet, but a real hankering for the fella to be able to work locally. It feels like he's been gone a month already, and that feeling started only five days in to the swing. Urgh. But we've broken the 10% equity point on the mortgage, and we're quite a bit in front now. So I keep consoling myself with the thoughts that as long as we keep on keeping on, he'll be home soon enough. Like maybe after another two years. Again, urgh.

Ok, randomness and thought patterns aside, I really should wrap it all up and go do some constructive house work and the like before my absence is noted. Hope you check out that youtube link - it's great.

You know you're a parent when....

Last night I drove to the airport to drop off my brother for his holiday to Tasmania. On the way there and back, there was a radio station asking people to call in and complete the sentence " you know you're a parent when... ".

And boy, did I find out the 'when' this morning. And tuesday night. And wednesday. And currently, while I'm trying to write this post for inspiration (of myself, I think, more than anyone else!).

See, the fella flew out on tuesday morning. So what better a night than tuesday night, for the dog to suffer heart failure and need a vet by wednesday morning, and what better a night than tuesday for the ridiculously cold weather to shatter my back glass door. So that was tuesday.

You know you're a parent when you manage to juggle a sick 35 kg dog, a glazier, a 3 1/2 yr old, an 8 month old, glass everywhere (mental note to self - the glazier knows much easier ways to get the shattered glass out of the door than I do). And still manage to put three meals and two (or lets be honest, 'unlimited') snacks on the table, do washing, clean the house and still manage to knit some at night just to wind down.

Then thursday came, and with it a vet's diagnosis that the dog has heart failure and we now have to watch him for different signs and fluid in the abdomen, and all other crazy things (think: having an elderly parent here that you can't keep inside because they really don't like it!), a trip to the shops with my brother and two children, a trip to the dreaded family assistance office, cooking, cleaning and all that jazz, and then a trip to the airport to drop off said brother at about 8pm.

So last night the kids were a little needy, to say the least. I have slept a total of 6 broken hours, and at 5.30am my son had woken but not managed to pee straight in the dark and instead of the toilet he peed on the floor. Ensue lots of crying for his mum and dad. Maybe because he really wanted to just hop in to bed with me but I am trying really hard not to let him. And then he woke his sister. So here we are, up for nearly 3hours already, and I'm pretty sure I'm running on coffee and the comfort of dairy products (thank you, farmers who still make real butter, it's just so comforting!).

You know you're a parent when you can't actually remember the last night that you did sleep more than 3 hours straight, without one of either of your kiddo's kicking, or crying, or just needing a bottle. And we're all still alive. There's honestly no way I'd let someone who I didn't give birth to do this to me and still love them - or even speak to them. Still deliberately make toast for them, even thought they say they don't want it (and you know that they do and will as soon as you sit and take your first bite), and go out of my way to make sure that they are happy, no matter how low my eyes are hanging out of my head!

Ok, hope you folks out there are having lovely weeks. It's just bucketing down with rain here, and I'm meant to be taking the kids to a farm about an hour out of the city, but we'll have to see about it first I think as it's getting a bit wild and wooly. But hope you all have a great weekend, and maybe sleep longer than 3 or 4 hours at a time!

two little monkeys, that don't like to be in bed!

Some projects I have done/am working on...

I've taken up knitting, as we all know. But I thought I'd upload some pics for posterity and yeah, so you all know I'm doing my home work and not just sitting around watching daytime tv (as is often rumoured of us stay at home mummies....)

Firstly, one of my girlfriends was blessed with the birth of another bub, Ricky, who arrived last week. He's adorable, and I hope he's enjoying his little blanket! The pattern is from the LionBrand website, under 'Horizontal Baby Blanket'. The pattern is super easy to knit once you get your yarn-overs and knit2tog's right, you go pretty well in front of the telly! I knit it with 12 ply acrylic because acryl is machine washable and 12ply is suuuuper thick, so it is great for a new bub to keep warm under either in bed or in the pram.



I've also been making this lace pattern scarf for my sister, but it's being made with 4 ply baby wool because it's very soft and I have bucket loads of it! I like this pattern, it's a baby-kind of pattern too, and an aunt had a reminisce over how her gran used to make it for the little bubs. The basic construction is just a feather and fan pattern that was downloaded from Ravellry under Feather and Fan Baby blanket but I doubled the stitches because the ply is so thin.



And then there's this monster of a blanket! I feel bad, because the jumper and the beanie I have so far made Ethan have been far too small to last him, so I've begun making him a single bed width blanket with this 12ply. It's a monster of a yarn, but it's a simple pattern that I can put away at a nanosecond's notice and pick up very easily! It's just yarn overs and k2tog's again, and is another great project that is picked up and put down between articles that 'must' be completed or may be a bit more complicated in patterning.


And then there's Alice's circular blanket, still kicking, that I'm teaching myself crocheting on as well as the initial lesson of knitting with double pointed needles.


So that's my project list at the moment. I'm also making an Oriental Lily dress (another Ravellry download - all knitters and crocheters MUST go there!) for Alice in a 2yr old size, because I want to start using it next winter and for it to be used for quite some time. No pictures of it yet, but they'll come!

Anyway, must go as there are two cherubs and I watching history change and greeting in the first woman Prime Minister today.