Why I Changed my Focus...

Sorry I have been absent a few days. Well, since thursday, I think.

The days are busier when the fella is home. We are more rushed, there is more to do, I guess - I hope, or otherwise I feel busier for no reason!

But I just wanted to say that since I started this change of focus, the way I see my kiddo's has really changed. I've begun looking for the positive in them, but I at first thought I would just find one thing a day - and now I find my brain competing with itself to figure out 'which awesome thing' to write about. It really has changed me from seeing all things as a struggle, to seeing 'most' things as awesome. As amazing parts of thier little personalities. I see what used to drive me nuts, as now being a sign of thier developmental milestones.

And honestly, I think everyone should try it, even if just for two days a week.

Time....

Hello! Well, the day has flown by and I feel I've done a gazillion things and none of which I can remember! Well, there was the three loads of laundry done and hung by school drop off, the vegie/fruit/bread/milk shop, the changing of sheets on beds, the baking of a slice and a batch of cookies and the preparation of a lasagne. Thank goodness for dishwashers, as I've already filled and emptied mine twice. And no, not with stuff I could have just rinsed, but yeah, different things and lots of them!

I'm just sitting with a cookie from said batch, and a coffee, and mulling over my day's achievements and the addition of energy to my motherhood mojo that I've been feeling these past few days. The fella's home, but I don't think that's got to do with the change in mood, I think it's more the decision made to just get up and get on, to be honest.

Since making the decision to actually Do The Stuff That Needs Doing, I've had that feeling of achievement return. After that, a little bit of happiness returned because of the achievements. Then some pride at the achievements fuelled my joy, and I feel back on the mend.

I've hit the kitchen again, determined to play Beat the Pantry. Beat the Pantry is a great game to play if you are strapped for cash, want to pretend you are, or just want to clear the pantry before the next big stock-up. It works exactly how it sounds - your job is to Beat the Pantry by emptying her out as much as possible before you have to go and get more stores (either at pay day, or when ever you normally do it). I do it to delay the inevitable massive shop that usually comes as a result of my cycle of storing up and then purging the pantry and I love it. I often find something that I got (like Lemon Chicken recipe base) that completely surprises me and I look forward to cooking. It's also a great way to remember how many Actual Ingredients we have and how much I now can make really from scratch.

Anyway, enough blabbering for the moment. I've really got to go and do something else, because there is still another pile of something somewhere, like all the time!

Since July? Where've I been?!

Well I'm sorry, invisible people who are probably never visiting this place. I've been absent. Not absent of body, but absent of time. I've been doing what a lot of other mama's out there are doing and actually 'being' with my children and not turning on the computer a hell of a lot. It's been hard, actually, to find the time. I've been really wanting to, needing to, scream in to the nothingness that is this bottomless pit called the internet, but just thought I'd leave it.

But I'm back. For the moment anyway.

The monkeys are fine, with one learning to wriggle around on her bum and the other one learning how hard it is when you can no longer get everyone's undivided attention one hundred percent of the time. We've been doing lots of new stuff - building vegie patches, planting fruit trees and a grape vine, cleaning and decluttering and having loads of picnics. Outdoors is the place to be!

So I thought I'd drop a pin in the ocean and see if anybody is still out there, reading and blogging and wishing and hoping and dreaming....

We're dreaming of holidays at the moment. Nice, long holidays with a daddy that is home and yummy summer food and great summer company....

Bring It On!

SAHM and FIFOD

I've been asked a lot lately about 'coping'. So I thought I'd focus a bit on it, maybe there are mums out there that would like to hear the mindless drivel of a woman who spends 8/12 months of the year being basically, a solo parent.

Firstly I would like to clarify that I am not in a winner-takes-all whinge about single motherhood vs. sahming with a fifo partner. Solo parenting, in my book, (and here, I guess!), is the act of being the sole provider of care for a long period of time. Like days, or weeks, or in the case of women whom I envy but never want to be, the wives/partners of soldiers and their amazing class of folks that go for months at a time being away and having so little contact that even I would hide away and cry within the first week.

Ok, I'm sure I've forgotten some group or ten, but I'm hoping you get the point.

So I personally am a solo parent for 2 weeks at a time, with the fella coming home for one week each time he returns. The pattern is good. It's simple, predictable and has a rythym of it's own that we can fit around. If there are women out there, reading this, with a 'sometimes rostered' partner, my hat is off to you. I couldn't deal with a phone call in the afternoon telling me that the fella was needed somewhere else in the morning and there was no routine to it. It would drive me insane.

But anyhoo...

I have a 3 1/2 yr old that still likes to sleep in my bed, and an 8month old that would not like that at all. Their sleeping habits couldn't be more different - one's a mummy kid, the other a lay-me-down-and-leave-me-alone kid. They eat different, play different, but thankfully they get along just fine. The hardest times are when I am tired, or distracted, or heaven forbid- want to do something that doesn't have a participant need (blogging, anyone?!).

But then there is day ten. By day ten I am soooo over being on my own that I am a downright bitch. It's day ten today, which is why I thought I'd write this instead of chewing the head off of nearby toddlers.

So here is my coping list of do's and don't's (if I can find any don't's)...

*Eat properly. Make meals, not microwavable bits of plastic crap, and leave spaghetti in a tin (and the nutrient-empty things like it) to collect dust at the grocery shop. If the only way you can get a balanced meal on the table is to get a slow cooker, then get that thing cranking. By the end of winter, my slow cooker is hurting. It's wanting to go to slow cooker holiday school. My son is shocking at trying to get dinner in to after about 5pm, so I shove vegies and some meat in that thing in the morning, turn it on about lunchtime and that's dinner. I find the days when I have dinner prepared by 11am (not cooked, but veg peeled, meat thawed and ready) are our best days. Kids get needier as the day wears on, the cartoons or telly doesn't hold their attention and they want to get to the park or a friends, which, in all honesty, is an angsty mum's worst nightmare if she's not prepared for the dinner/bath/bed rush. So I beg you, make your dinner early, and if you don't like eating at that time of day then keep yours til later (with a glass of red, no?!). By making vegies appear in your diet every day you will have more energy to keep being the solo parent.

*Have a routine, and break it only sometimes. My kids, I am convinced, are going to learn to tell the time pretty soon. At 5pm it's bathtime, for about 15minutes, and then dinner, and then Ethan can watch the Simpsons (which I know is awful, but jees, we all have some crap we enjoy and it gets him to eat dinner at least!). After that godawful show is over, we retreat to the loungeroom and the tv is on and we begin to relax. By about 6.45pm I've got him to organise his book, and we brush his teeth, he wees in the toilet and the story begins. It's rare that he's out of bed after 7. He might be awake for a whole lot longer, but unless he needs to wee, he stays put. I won't go in to how I acheived this, but it took a lot of work. Alice fits in there, the whole time, because she's that annoyingly easy bub that at 6.30 I can lay in her own bed and then Ethan and I have some time doing the other stuff. The week is broken up usually, by things like school, my knitting group, gymnastics and Family Movie Night. The flow of the week is good because Ethan knows, for example, friday is gym day and we need to do certain things, and that after he finishes school on mondays he's going to be either hanging out with dad or he'll have the day off the next day to pick dad up from the airport (the in-between monday is a bummer, but we deal with it anyway). Family Movie Night was started about 4 months ago because I was sick of 'doing nothing' on weekends when the fella was away. So now Ethan and I visit the movie rental store on saturday afternoons, buy junk food (usually chips, godblesshissaltytastes!), and then we come home, clean the house and have 'easy tea' (code for a slack dinner of maybe savoury scones or scrambled eggs and fried mushrooms). After that we have our usual routine but instead of bedtime I pull out some big cushions, make him a bed on the loungeroom floor and we watch a movie together. Again, some nights are harder to keep him still, but usually he's wrapt and it all goes to plan.

*Have a fall-back plan. When Alice came along I had found myself being a lot more honest with my friends. I wasn't coping. So along came my friend that said 'if it's going to shit, call me and you can always visit'. So she's my "I'm about to kill this kid if I don't get him doing something with anyone else" fall-back plan. I can throw us all in the car, drive to her house and her kid will go feral with mine and tire themselves out while we have a cuppa and gush over our babies. It's friggin brilliant, because we have a pact that is two pronged...Our kids are both as 'bad' as eachother (Read: just cos you saw mine hitting yours doesn't mean it's the start or the end of the story), and Never Fall Out Over Kids - the kids will be friends and enemies 50 times an hour, but if you have an argument with a grown up over who's kid threw sand in the hair of the other kid you can find yourself in the shit with them for years. Or you'll dread them coming over. Either way, if your kid is painted as a villian by either you or your friend, you won't visit. And those friends are better saved for your days when every thing is rosy and you're going well. If your falling apart, on day ten, then the last thing you want is to visit someone who's gunna yell at your kid because they never see what their own is doing. So if you want a fall back plan, make it with someone who's as laid back as you are or it won't work because the relaxation you were looking for (the fake kind, but fake is still ok!) won't be there!

*Finally, be kind to yourself. I just told Ethan that he needed to leave me alone for 10 minutes, because I'm busy. OH NO!!! I told my child that I'm busy? What kind of a monster am I?!!! Well, an honest one. Because I Am Busy. I'm trying to get the word vomit out of my head and on to the screen so that the yelling in cyber space can be done. He's not going to grow in to Ted Bundy because of it, he's not going to be found in a corner sucking his thumb and not dealing with the world. So if you are not coping and have to have some time, TAKE IT and make it yours. I have a friend who knits while her baby is sleeping, and reads to her toddler while she's doing it. She gets the kid to turn the pages, and that gets her through the day.

Now, what do you do to get through? Please share. But right now, I'm off to the park...

School Holidays...

Now I know why teachers need a break!

Ah, it's not so bad. As a very self-assured three and a half year old, I'm only dragged away from doing my work about once an hour (or half an hour, depending on the tiredness levels), and he can be pretty well made happy with trips to the park on his new bike and doing odd jobs like making icypoles and jelly. So we're all relatively well-maintained at the moment.

Some random things going on though are things like :

*using the word 'no', and meaning it. For example, if mum asks you three times to clean up the floor because it looks like the toy gods have thrown up and no one can move their feet, then she says 'you have until the count of three to clean the floor, and if you haven't, what ever I pick up goes in to the cupboard for two days', you might just want to believe her. So now he's not using the entire of the wooden block collection, most of his toy cars, and dvd's are banned until tomorrow. I have a feeling that we might be better at picking things up today.

*I've been trying to appear more ladylike. Yeah, right? How do you know when enough is enough, and when do women who rise at 6am to blow dry and straighten their hair get their medals?! I have to confess I don't even own a hairdryer, and the thought of using a straightener just makes my ears hurt because I'm pretty sure I'll clamp them in my efforts. So far I'm getting to the makeup and decent clothes (trackydacks and stained tops are strictly for night time when I know we're alone now!) by about 9am. Hoping that eventually my obsession in to peeking in to the internet Rabbit Hole will pass by next week and I'll manage to make that '9' an '8' and be able to get Ethan to school and look like a human being. Now, this brings up a few issues for me. I feel nauseaus at the thought that to be attractive we must preen and obsess about looks far more than we do about our interior selves, and because of Consumption Rebellion's blog I was made aware of a youtube video (which I don't have the skills to figure how to put straight in the post) on this link - Katie Makkai's Pretty Poetry Slam so I am really aware of any subliminal message I'm passing on to my own children. I could go on about this, but I just encourage you all to check it out.

*Did you know that if a glass door has suffered, oh, I dunno, a small rock hitting it from a 3 1/2 yr old, that if the weather gets cold enough outside, it will shatter? Yep. That shatterring will result in a stay-at-home-mum who's also home-alone-mum shittering her pants, because she thought that there was someone trying to break in to the house via the back door. Call in the nice neighbours nice hubby, who assured me it would be ok, because it was far too cold for anyone to be out there breaking in to houses that night!

*I have itchy feet again. Well, not so much itchy feet, but a real hankering for the fella to be able to work locally. It feels like he's been gone a month already, and that feeling started only five days in to the swing. Urgh. But we've broken the 10% equity point on the mortgage, and we're quite a bit in front now. So I keep consoling myself with the thoughts that as long as we keep on keeping on, he'll be home soon enough. Like maybe after another two years. Again, urgh.

Ok, randomness and thought patterns aside, I really should wrap it all up and go do some constructive house work and the like before my absence is noted. Hope you check out that youtube link - it's great.

Early Morning Wake Up...

Well, my babies are asleep. Well, he is, and I can hear her stirring on the other side of the wall in front of me. I just thought I'd pop in this morning, even though it's 5am, and say I've been busy, with raising and creating, worshipping a cartoon called DirtGirl, planting daffodil bulbs, knitting and learning to crochet. I'm a committed knitter now folks! Although it's a comical journey, as I have only made one jumper for Ethan that got immediately handed down to Alice!

Ok, so now she is really awake and I've just changed and dressed her while that photo was loading. Time to really hit the deck now, and do the normal household stuff that seems to await a mother every day - a load of washing is now already in, there's breakfast to be made (maybe french toast this morning...?), and we're off to the library at a much more decent hour!

Have a nice weekend folks.

Nooo, I haven't forgotten I'm taking up valuable blog space!

I have had next-to-no-time for myself in the last few months. Seriously. I mean, I do sit of a night time and stitch my latest knitting project, and I have been attending a local knitting group and learning new things, so it's not like I'm under some new communist regime that does not allow me any kind of personal time, but the chances to just sit, blog about the world around me, and amaze my self with all the beautiful blogs out there has been very, very limited. It started to eat away at me a little, because I am also someone who likes having a relatively normal-looking home, and not one that the State Emergency Service might mistake for being hit by a hurricane. But a few things have had to go, and some of the housework remaining undone for a lot of the time has been one of those things.

Before I completely lost my noodle and threw myself in the nearest lake, I reached out for help and well, by god's grace, it was there. The people that helped me don't really know what they have done for the most part, but I'm still here, my kids are still happy, healthy and thriving, and for the most part the only thing missing was the sense of community I used to have the belief in.

I find it a bit of a shame that there isn't a sense of 'community' any more in the society I live in. I'm in a suburb that looks, for all intents and purposes, like we'd all know each other and maybe even take each other's kids to school. But no. I'm surrounded by Modern Mums. The gym-attending, fake-tanning, shops-for-entertainment women who are quite literally never home. I should clarify that these mums are also lovely people, with the same genuinely gorgeous intentions that the generations before them had for their children too, but I've just begun to notice that it seems like my generation, that is the X's and a few of the early Y's, have lost their love of the art of homemaking. I think that most of us aim for the catalogue look in our homes as well as in our actual lives, and it's a true shame.

But anyway, I digress...! I have actually been blessed with a whole hour by myself, because the fairies, angels or what ever other dieties there are that are in charge of my world continuing to spin must have met and had a sit down, ensuring that the roast is already in the oven, the partner is home and taking the son out while the daughter is having a very well rested sleep. So I thought I would pop in on here, let who ever is out there in cyber world looking over my fence know that I am still alive and to say 'hi'. Hope you're all doing well too - don't be shy in telling me so.

So, if anyone out there IS still reading this blithering mad babble of a woman finally alone, please feel free to tell me what it's like in your community? Maybe I'll move there, if it's friendly enough!

Just a quick update from the trenches...

Hi all, and sorry for the absence! I'm sure you all missed me, I really am....

So I've been a while, doin' this mummy gig and learning how to do a school run, being the class tea towel and napkin washer for the week, getting my boy up and ready for his big days 5 times a week. It's not been exhausting or anything, and to be quite honest I think it's done him the world of good! He's still three, don't get me wrong - there are times when I'm just glad they have already banned selling kids on the ebay, because some days he'd be at a 'buy now' price that would compete with a loaf of bread.

But anyway...back to my big hopes this week (did you know that was what I was gunna rabbit on about?). I've gone and got me a sustainability assessment booked for this week, a solar panels quote is already underway and I'm thinking about changing our toxic, disgusting, rank carpet to solid wood flooring if the assessment covers it. But here's the catch - the loans stop on March 22. So I reeeeaaally need to get my A into G. Like Ricky-Mutha-frikkin-ticky. Yesterday would have been good.

So that is the first cab off the rank. We're also going to pull our fingers out this week (starting today) and paint the lounge room. We have a week til we have guests arrive, so working to a deadline, and with that lovely invention called school for Ethan, we should be able to knock it on the head within a week. We're not silly, and we're doing all the prep-work first, so I don't envisage any actual paint on the walls until at least wednesday, cos there is a lot of prep work unfortunately. The previous owners of this house, who built it, were not very forthcoming with the prep work nor with making sure things were done properly. We're talking stereo system wires hanging from corners, chipped and cracked paint, unsealed windows kinda work. So my enjo and my partner will be working over time this week! Oh, and just for the product placement, if you have a need to clean walls, I recommend the kitchen or bbq gloves and the green miracle. Does a more thorough job, quicker and easier than sugar soap or any kind of rank sticky chemical ever could. But I digress...

In a week, we shall be rewarded with beautiful, crack and chip free, nicely understated colour walls. I shall do the before and after shots, just for brag-book sakes. When I was little (ok, when I was about 10!), my mum and her neighbours used to have 'oooh ahhh fridays', and gees it was cool fun! What ever stuff you'd done to your house (and it was the 80's recession, so it was never much, maybe just a shelf, or even sometimes new tea towels), you got full bragging rights and an audience on ooh ahh fridays. I used to love it. Mum would make burgers (homemade, best ever burgers I tell ya!), she worked in a brewery so she'd buy a bottle of what ever and invite the neighbours. Was one of the fundamentally best parts of growing up where we lived, even though it only went for a couple years. But anyway, I hope to have our very own 'ooh ahh friday' this week....

Stay tuned!

Hi, I'm Fairy from the GunnaDo Tribe...

Hi and nice to see ya!

I can't even think of the last time I actually posted, but here is another pocket of time I've found, with too many things running through my head that I'm excited about. I'm going to try to keep this post from being really long, but no promises (although no doubt the kiddies are on the side of keeping it short and will interupt me mid sentence of course!).

First, I can't wait to say that over the last couple of months I've been keeping a mental check on how much rubbish we produce here. It's quite disgusting. No, actually, it's REALLY disgusting. So I did change from disposable to cloth nappies when Alice got heavy enough for them, yeah. Cut down all those nappies that were going in the bin by about 95% that did! Ethan still has a night nappy, but unfortunately he won't wear a cloth one as he says they're uncomfortable. But generally, instead of 6 or so disposables in our bin a day, we're just putting in one. I'm happy with that. Unless we're going away for a really long stretch of time (like 8 nappies worth), then Alice will be wearing cloth all day and night. So maybe one day out of fourteen we're using disposables. Not ideal, but I'll get there.

But the green waste, that I was definitely NOT happy about. So I researched, I asked questions, I pondered, and then I went to gumtree and found a secondhand Bokashi Bucket! I am soooo happy that now I have really cut down our outgoing-to-the-landfill rubbish. No kidding, I'd love a compost tumbler, but the cash is in short supply and they just don't come up secondhand that often. I honestly cannot believe how much that little addition to my kitchen has cut down my trips to the big bin. I put a plastic shopping bag (yeah, I know, but hey, I'm learning!) in the kitchen bin three days ago, and finally took it to the bin this morning, and even then it was only a quarter full. Between my vigilant recycling efforts (Ethan starts kindy tomorrow so I've been keeping my yoghurt containers, etc in a stockpile for the teacher), my bokashi and the nappies, I've cut our landfill waste down from a bag a day to a quarter of a bag in three days. Unbelievable.

Ok, so my next gabble is that I've been knitting, and have nearly finished a baby blanket. My first knitted gift, and I'm proud to say it's not too bad. I've got at least two babies to 'buy' for this year, and I'm not actually going to 'buy' anything if I can help it, but rather do some making and gifting. Babies are adorable, cute, cuddly, and amazing. They also grow far too quickly to warrant buying them anything brand new that will last only a few weeks! Think of the environmental difference we could all make if we re-purposed all of our clothing for just the first three months. It would have to be significant, yeah?

I have also fallen in love, all over again, with hemphemphooray and Teresa's fantastic face cream. I bought the day cream some time ago (two, three months?) and it's still half full. I use it every morning and night, and it is just the best. So is the lip salve that I got. Look, I don't get any financial gain in telling you about hemphemphooray, but gees, just go and have a look if you're looking for an alternative to beauty products that contain hidden nasties. I've known Teresa for about a decade, and the woman knows what she's doing!

Ok, like I said, I'd get interupted. But I haven't, amazingly. So to leave you with a pic of our happy girl, I hope you have a great week.

I think I have ten minutes....

So I thought I would pop in and say hello. We've had a more successful start to 2010 than we did end to 2009, which is just lovely. Ethan went to the homeopath/naturopath and we found some remedies that seem to have worked a treat, as well as a couple of trips to the chiropractor (please, if you had a ceasar, consider it! It has worked wonders on both him and Alice!). He's just a different kid.

Anyway, I thought I had ten minutes...turns out I had two!

I'm going on a diet...

An internet diet. I have come to realise, well, not really...I've finally admitted to myself, that for someone with two gorgeous children, I spend far too much time on the internet. It's not productive time, either, it's stoopid, window shopping, browsing other peoples' lives' time. I need to stop envying others, and start enjoying myself.

I'll still be posting, probably more often than I have been lately actually, but I'm not sure about the way things will happen. When I was given all the fancy stuff I inherited, I made a vow to myself that I would use it, and currently the computer is in the way. Right now, in fact, if it weren't connected I would be sewing or knitting on the machines while both of the kids are asleep. But I'm not. I'm being a lazy so-an-so and reading blog after beautiful blog wishing some of the other crafty bloggers would come and decorate my house. But they aren't, so I need to do something about that!

So I wish you all a merry christmas, may it be a relaxing one with loads of love and not much plastic (credit or present-wise!). Drop me a line and let me know how much you loved your time off, your new socks, or the scarf that nanna made you in june that she's just given you now (and yeah, I am actually giving a friend of mine a scarf - and it's about 40degrees celcius here today!). I will love hearing all about your xmas cheer!

The difference

I'm not coping very well with this new life of mine. I'm up at 4.30am about 5mornings out of 7 a week, and don't get any rest again until sometimes 11pm. My children seem to be in cahoots, making sure that at least one of them is wide awake all the time. And I'm trying to be tough.

Thing is, I'm not tough. I'm turning to water about once a day, because I get so sick of trying to negotiate with a near 3 year old about things all the time. It's not his fault, it's mine. I don't know, I just have my fingers crossed that this will pass. I'm too knackered to do much with him, the house is a complete poo-storm and I'm waiting until tuesday when my partner gets home from working away for his two week stint...

Anyway, better go and pull my poo in a pile...

It's oh, so Quiet...

Good morning....

It's sleepy here at the moment. Well, it's also 5am here at the moment, so that explains why. I woke at 3.30am with Alice, as she needed a feed and a change, and by 4am Ethan was up as well. I'm not sure what woke him exactly, whether it was Alice and I or whether he just wriggled out of bed too much, but he's in my spot now.

I'm feeling a bit reflective lately. There are quite a few things that I've been thinking about...

I've been using a different tactic on Ethan for his behaviour, and I think it's working ok in my opinion. I get worried that other people see Ethan as nothing but a hassle, because of his age and his over-stimulated personality that just yearns to socialise with others. My sister is a good example of that. She used to think the sun shone clear out of his bottom, but now she hardly looks at him when she (rarely) visits us. It breaks my heart, because he still thinks the sun shines out of her bottom, he just doesn't realise that it's not reciprocated anymore. I also have quite a few friends with kids the same age, and it always feels like he is getting the blame for any hiccups that occur during play time. In my opinion, kids are kids. They fight and are best friends fifty times in sixty minutes, and as a teacher was once heard saying they are all "unique and special snowflakes...just like every one else". I think all kids at age two, up until about age 5 or 6, are absolutely unbearable half the time. But when I see my friends, they seem to err on the side of their own children all the time, and don't seem to think that there is a relationship between the kids at all, a to-ing and fro-ing of behaviour and reactions. I don't know, perhaps I'm being too sensitive lately? Having a baby can do that, in conjunction with a heavy dose of cabin fever!

I inherited the most amazing things a couple of weeks ago. My partners Nan passed away a few months ago, and left instructions that I was to be given as much of her fancy work stuff as I wanted. So I am now the proud owner of not only an overlocker, but also an Embroidery sewing maching, and two knitting machines. Basically Pop bought down the entire craft room and put it in my house. So we have been moving things around. A lot. My office is now going to be the new craft/fancy work room, and the computer is being moved to the rear of the house, near the back door. It made us cry, getting it all in the house, as I felt so lucky and loved by Nan to have been gifted so much. It really has made me think about her life a lot too, as she also mothered her five children while Pop went away to work. They were a real pioneering couple, and Nan knew that sometimes she wouldn't see or hear from Pop for months - their youngest daughter was nearly 6 months old before Pop even met her. I think, when I reflect on how hard Nan worked around the home, of how lucky I am now. My partner calls home every night he's away. If there is an emergency, or a death, or anything, he can be flown home within 24 hours easily. And without the distractions of malls, computers, mobile phones and the like, Nan did a lot of learning of her own, running those machines and making her childrens clothes and toys. She was such an inspiration.

Alice is settling in really well still. I'm just about ready to make up her cot and get her sleeping in there during the day, but she's still in the bassinette in our room during the night. She has been sleeping in her room in the bassinette in the daytime, as it's much darker than our room, and that's been going ok. We also were really lucky to be loaned a swinging cradle (battery operated thingamugig) and that has also given us much sanity when she's been hard to settle. A little colic, but nothing that doesn't sort itself out within about an hour, and she's still sleeping a lot. I'm guessing that all of that will change significantly over the next few weeks.

Anyway, that's the big report from here for now. I don't know if there'll be many posts over the next few weeks, as I'm considering moving the computer to somewhere that there's no net jack just yet, but I'll either keep you posted, or you'll notice the silence!

Happy Families...

We've been harbouring a storm here lately. My son Ethan, as you know, is well and truly in to his second year. I am starting to believe they shouldn't give the ages of children numbers, but that they should label the year instead, to remind you of what you're in for. I'd label this year the 'Year of Defiance and Self-Determination'. It's so strange that the behaviour that Ethan is presenting is so challenging, yet, to be honest, if he were a teen I'd be ecstatic at his level of independence!

Ethan is an adorable, wonderful little boy. He is incredibly confident, self-assured and aware of his surroundings, he's gentle with his sister, and social with his friends. He is also a tyrannical child, who is bossy, demanding, emotional and high maintainance. We often find we don't know which way the winds blowing with him, and it's just a constant battle of wills some days!

That's why I haven't blogged much these past couple of weeks. In the sleepy house of the newborn, we've also been tackling a 2 yr old that wakes up at 5am, has no gears in his energy levels, just a go and a stop button, and who is dealing with the new arrival of a little sister who I'm sure (to him), seems like she takes up all of mum and dad's time. So we're on the battlefront, trying to both set boundaries and also to nurture and love him as he is, and that's why I'm a bit absent. Hope you can forgive me, this might endure a while longer...!

Well, we've got past the first week here in whiney fairy land and Alice is fitting in well. She's a seemingly contented baby, has taught me that she does NOT like mustard in her breastmilk (hey, I never knew!), and aside from that we've just had to start re-assuring her that the difference between day and night is that mum really likes to sleep at night! I think it's true what they say about mum's with more than one baby, because I am soooo much more relaxed this time than I was with Ethan.

We've been doing super-well with the stay at home challenge (as I now am calling it!). I am determined to get as close to pay day as possible without entering a supermarket or store (but the store part fell apart yesterday, as we had a birthday party and I forgot to pre-buy a present unfortunately). We've run out of fresh milk, but I just made up a load of powdered for myself and the uht is still going strong for the gentlemen of the house. We're having a couple friends around today, and I've even managed to not have to go out for them to be catered for too. I was having a mild panic attack this morning, because I 'always do potato salad' for our bbq's and thought I'd best run off to the market for the ingredients. Then I floated the option to my partner that we have coleslaw and pasta salad instead. "Yeah, sounds good" came the reply - well, good compared to going to the market I think!!!

So we've been becoming the masters of 'making do' this week. We have not done much other than have a couple of visitors, leaving the house only when necessary (trying to make our fuel last for two weeks instead of one is a huuuuge challenge for us, but luckily there's a lot of home-based entertainment: more on that in a moment) and have pretty much left the bank balance alone. Last pay I got a bit excited and paid too much off our debt, leaving us with very little in our actual spending account. Silly move! I usually wait to put the excess on until the end of the pay cycle, but for some reason (can I blame enthusiasm and pregnancy brain?) I sent our excess off to the bank at the beginning of the pay cycle, and that's why we're really watching our money. I don't think we'd be behaving any differently than we would have anyway, but it's really bought home how much difference there is between what we think we need when we have got spare money and what we actually really need when we don't.

Ethan is still doing really well, and despite our 'house-boundedness' we've kept our little adventurer happy and healthy. Yesterday we made delish Zucchini and Orange Cake from Womens Weekly's "Creative Cooking on a Budget" (also known as my Favourite Cookbook of All Time), and that will see us entertain our morning visitors, with maybe even a bit for afternoon tea after our bbq lunch. I like to think that in his future Ethan will make a great cook, because he's always encouraged to help me in the kitchen - so far he's learned many things that I won't go in to, but suffice to say he'll sit on the floor with me and find recipes in our cookbooks and natter away about 'what we gunna make' quite a lot. I love it. We've also put together some fantastic playdough from my friend Kristi's recipe. She makes a cooked playdough, and it can't be beat!

Kristi's Playdough....
Add 1 cup plain flour, 1/2 cup salt, 2 tablespoons of cream of tartar, 1 cup water, 2 tablespoons oil and some food colouring (but only a few drops!). Throw it all in the saucepan, over a low heat and stir, stir, stir, until the mix resembles playdough. Turn it out on to a hard surface once it's cooled a little and then give it a knead. Leave until completely cool and then let the kiddies have loads of fun!

So that's the relatively relaxing pace to our week this week. We'll have things to do this week, more visitors and some adventures to plan (zoo visit this week, as Ethan has decided he "needs to show baby sissa the efalents" so we've arranged a free pass and I'll pack the lunch). Aside from that, we're hoping to make it another 5 days at least until the next big grocery shop....Fingers crossed for me!!!

It's just another day here at the ranch...

I don't know how to start this post today, except to say that everyone is asking me how my son is dealing with his new little sister. The short answer is that he loves her dearly. The long way around that is that it seems that he has developed a real issue with his mum and dad. He has always been head-strong, but the streak that has come out of him lately around my partner and I has been quite astonishing, to be honest. On Tuesday night I sat down and had a revelation...

I realised I had become The Screaming Mother. My son, who's a lovely, well-developed, conversive, co-ordinated like a mountain goat, gorgeous all round kid, has a real issue with listening. Well, der, I hear the voices in my head saying...He's nearly three, that is relatively 'normal'...

But the frustrations that were mounting about simply Never Feeling Listened To were just getting too much, and they peaked on Tuesday night when I realised that I had been arguing with Ethan since about 7am, on and off, all day. Put your shoes on, no. Eat some breakfast, no. Don't jump on the bed, yes. Wash your hands before you eat, no. It was just never-ending, and it isn't the first day of it. It was however, the second day of this kind of defiance for a mum who's trying to deal with the new addition, breastfeeding, re-couping from a c-section, scheduling in midwife and child health nurse visits, getting dinner ready, getting children bathed and fed...the list goes on. In fact, writing the list is making me tired, let alone doing the daily in and out of it all alongside the constant defiant argument of a near-three yr old boy who's just trying to create, establish and enjoy his first senses of independence.

So I asked my partner how he felt, because he has been taking the same kind of dictatorship that I had. He also, was exhausted by it. And very upset with himself that even though we love Ethan with all our hearts, we were quite honestly ready to smack him in to line. Now, I'm not going to debate smacking with anyone - in fact the only wise thing my mother in law ever told me was to never talk about parenting or politics with people you don't know - but I will say that smacking doesn't work for Ethan. He sees it as a red light to do the same to others, and to be honest I really don't like the look of my own childs face when he is afraid of me.

On Wednesday we took Ethan to the library and alongside his books we got ourselves a couple of parenting books that have seemed to help - and that has been where the last two days have kind of changed our stress levels. We stopped using the word "dont" with him and have replaced it with as many positive alternatives as possible. Instead of "don't jump on the bed" we say "beds are for sleeping on" for example. And it's done wonders. We got through the whole day yesterday, for the first time in a long time (as he's been very defiant and independent since way before Alice was born) without having to drag him inside screaming, having him hit us, or him having a complete meltdown because he's not getting his way. In fact, at about 5pm last night, just as Ethan was getting a bit demanding (5pm is "Arsenic Hour" around here - the worst time of the day, because it's so busy) my partner said that he was ready to crack. He felt better that he hadn't 'lost' the day to screaming, but exhausted through the changing of how he communicated. So I reminded him that we only had about 2hours left until we had really, literally 'won' the day and survived without screaming. We trundled on, and it's been fantastic today too.

I don't know why I've posted this, but I guess it's because I didn't want to give the impression on this blog that I know all and have a perfect family life. Far from it. We struggle and muddle through, just like everyone else. And when we found our little victory yesterday, I wanted to share it.

Well, she has arrived....

Alice

Alice was born on Wednesday 4th November at 1pm, under c-section. We have found that so far, she's loving the world very muchly! Ethan and Daddy became besotted custodians immediately, and Alice cannot cry, squeek or pop off without the assistance of the narration of Big Brother Ethan giving us a fantastic run-down of all movement and noise. Alice, in return, coo's and calms immediately upon the presence and touch of her Big Brother, and they seem to have been in cahoots for quite sometime, as they are coordinating their movements and night-wake times very closely thus far!

It's so good to have her home. To know now that Ethan thinks that she is just the bestest little sister he could have asked for. To have a loving partner that is looking after every single detail that his non-domestic brain can remember (hey, I even had hot porridge for breakfast this morning...I don't even make hot porridge!). To be home a day early, lucky enough to live not too far from the hospital that we have a visiting midwifery service that are coming to check her all out. It's all so incredibly lucky for us to be in the right here, right now, that it is a little hard to believe.

Ethan meets Alice

We had a pretty predictable first afternoon home, and Ethan was keen as mustard to take his little sister out in to the world to meet everyone he knows and see everything he's discovered, but luckily we managed to negotiate a play on the floor with the cars and blocks, and a very handy assistant helped Daddy give her her first bath at home in the kitchen sink. Ethan's job was to rub some lotion on her feet, from where the hospital bands had scratched marks on her, and that was a pretty magic job apparently. He then sat very nicely last night and we made a farm all around her to show her the animals and have a big play. Sure, there were moments where he'd chuck a little tantrum because Mum or Dad wasn't doing things properly, but let's face it, Mum and Dad barely know what they're doing most days of the week anyway! So aside from that, Alice is settling in well, and Ethan is the happiest Big Brother he thought he could be. It's been a lovely start to our new additions life amongst the family.

Well, not able to sleep again....

Good morning fairy cyber land! I've been awake about an hour and a half...and counting. It's D-Day here, the final countdown. The day when I become a mother of TWO. Holy cow.

I have the most amazingly generous friends and family really. I'm very lucky. Last night we had arranged for friends to come up and spend the night with us in preparation for today, as our friend Nat is looking after Ethan today. She's fantastic - if anything a bit TOO fantastic! Ethan carries on like it's a day at the fair when she's around!!! So we've clued him in to the fact that he'll be spending today doing a couple of 'Very Important Things' with his Auntie Nat, and dropping me at the hospital, then letting daddy come back and help mum get the baby out, then he'll be wrapping the baby a present and coming to meet her later on today. I have absolutely no doubt that he'll carry on a beauty when his dad leaves to meet me in the hospital later, but that it will last about five minutes, he'll make sure that the show was a really good one and then keep playing with Auntie Nat all day.

Aside from that, I'm a bit nervous. I know there are people out there, in the world, who had no doubt that they would have a huuuuge family, that they knew how their life-path was going to go and worked really hard to make it all happen properly, following role models, parents and friends and family throughout their lives to see 'how it's done'. But not me. I was never going to really ever have children, or settle down. I was a gypsy travelling lady, moving my way from place to place and never letting myself get bored of the ho-hum of a job or a lifestyle for more than a year at a time. But that all changed about four years ago, when Ethan's dad and I reunited and settled down in to our own home. Now look at us! We're about to become a family of FOUR!!!

I'm nervous for my partner, because he's never spent a whole big chunk of time with Ethan before. Like most two-year olds, Ethan spends most of his time with his mum, at home, while daddy is away at work. When daddy's home, I say that I cease to exist unless it's a mealtime or Ethan has hurt himself or something similar, but even then I'm mostly here and there on adventures with them both. But not for the next few days at least. I guess I shouldn't be overly dramatic, as I am not as nervous as I sound - yesterday Ethan got his daddy to make him some noodles, which he did, and then they proceeded to share them straight out of the jug. So I kind of thought straight away - "this place is going to be the man-cave for the next week!" - because they're going to be doing all that gross boy stuff that us mother's Never Allow. Like eating with out a bowl, leaving the toilet lid and seat up, and not soaking dishes....not to mention wiping our hands on our clothes, throwing snails on the roof and sharing icecream with the dog. And that's just the stuff my partner will do!

So today I'll meet my baby, which I am getting to be a bit excited about. It will be a better day tomorrow, when the operation has worn off and I'm able to shower and go to the toilet without a bag attached to me, and then the fun will really begin for us all. I have prepared as much as possible, and will finish all this this morning with the packing of bags for myself and getting a bit of fruit ready for Ethan and daddy to bring me this afternoon. After that, who knows? The great big new horizon for us all!

I can't sleep....

Well, cyber world, I have a confession. It's a confession only very few know, too.

On wednesday the doctors are going to put a sunroof in my tummy and my baby will be born. I know that c-sections aren't very often smiled upon amongst mums who've 'really given birth', but a couple of the ob/gyn's at my hospital have viewed and reviewed and then basically given me the best medical advice that they can. My body, unfortunately, is deciding that it's not quite sure what to do next. Inside, the baby is much the same. She's active, growing and in all other senses a regular 39week gestation baby. But she just will not engage and she will not turn to face my back. Much the same as with Ethan, I have been 'diagnosed' (?) with Failure to Progress.

I like to think of it as being such a good hostess, the guests don't want to leave the premises. When I was pregnant with Ethan, I had Gestational Diabetes, and the doctors do not let you go 'over' your due date with GD because of the risk of an early-aging placenta (and not feeding the bub right), and the high amount of complications such as jaundice. Ethan was born ok, but within about 24hours developed jaundice that took nearly 3 full days of treatment to get rid of, and another 3 days of tests after that to be completely clear of. I went in to be induced with him, and after 4 failed attempts, still had not had any contractions.

So in a nutshell, what I'm trying to say is that I kind of feel like I've cheated the system, and am about to do it again!

But I am excited! I didn't think I would be, considering it's all very 'clinical' in the delivery and we're well ahead of time what is going to happen, but I am. I can hardly believe I will hear her tiny voice for the first time in about 36 hours, and see what she looks like.

So here's to fingers being crossed, a safe and happy delivery and a fast recovery. I'll try and post tomorrow night before I go to the hospital, but otherwise, have a great week everyone and I'll be sure to share a pic or two when I return.

Hello everybody!

I am uuuuunnnncomfortable! Very much so. In the middle of the night I wake up with leg cramps, I'm having a few brackston hicks, and the little lady in there is now big enough to make me feel like my sternam is located in a very inconvenient place - where her feet are actually meant to be.

But enough about that. Yesterday I held my own birthday/baby shower afternoon tea! It was soooo lovely to be surrounded by my half a dozen or so favourite-est girlfriends, people that I know I don't want to miss the opportunity to have one last really good gas-bag with before the bub comes in two weeks and I lose the art of conversation to the art of breastfeeding and managing a toddler, holding down the fort in the run-up until xmas and having my partner home from work for a month to help me keep on top of things and settle in to a routine. It was fabulous. I baked up a storm, made a pavlova look very appetising (I confess the pav part came from a box), and made some lovely fruit salad and some even lovelier percolated coffee. I love having my girlfriends over, and with the table being just the right size for seven of us it was a beautiful way to spend the afternoon, gorging ourselves on cake, fruit, and coffee. What an excellent excuse!

It makes me think this morning, while I just ate the last of the fruit salad with a little cream, about how it really was an important thing to do - to take a moment to savour the sweet things in life. My friend Mychelle will often remind me that as I pass a rose in full bloom, stop, like a small child and smell it. Breathe it all the way in, until you can taste the sweetness and really appreciate all the work that this little being has done, the rain water it has stored, the messages it has sent to the ground and back again, and the pollen that it has given to bees in exchange for a little tlc in the landing on her petals.

And that's one of the reasons that I decided to do the very unorthodox thing and have a baby shower, even though I've been there and done that before! I wanted to take time, with my favourite women, and welcome them and thank them in my home for looking after me during this time, and the time to come.

Friendships are fantastic, and there was a time when I didn't have any female friends at all. Back when I worked with all men, which I've spoken about before, I happily skipped over this fantastic part of being a woman. Well, not anymore...now I love the company of other women, and thank goodness I've been blessed with quite a few who feel the same way about life as I do, and have deep souls that they don't mind sharing...